Goodbye, Farewell, Vaya Con Dios, Good Luck...

Dear 2011,

You were an interesting year, and to be honest, you put up a good fight. You challenged me in pretty much area of my life, but also made it very clear that I was fully capable of G.S.D through those. You forced me to take a look at my priorities and taught me how to hold true to those and still have way too much fun. I hated you, loved you, and still blame you for all of my quarter-life crisis'...but it's all good. 

I scanned a few journals I tore through and my planner, and here are a few quotes that stuck out. (Most of which I did not come up with myself.)

- "You don't have to follow the path that society has given"

- "Some people call it STUPIDITY. I call it bravery."

- "Detours don't change the destination."

- "Time means nothing to God. God is eternal. God doesn't need our help, he needs our faith."

- "Right in your heart does not = right in your head."

- "As a man thinks so he is."

- "Isn't it so sweet when everything works out?"

You can thank the universe for pushing these into my mind this past year. Without them you, my dear 2011, would have been completely different. 

Even though the first bits of you were some of the most unpleasant, they were indeed necessary. It took me a little while to realize that, but I did. A dear friend soon told/taught me to not play catch with other people's emotions. That was tough for a sponge like me who thrives on relationships with other people. I'm still working on it, but it's getting easier. Admittedly, I still have a lot of selfishness in me, but now is the time for that so I'm gonna keep it. I'll conquer that when a few other things change. 


All in all 2011, you trimmed the fat, separated the real from the fake, and stayed bright-eyed all the while. You classy broad,  you! And yes, I forgive you for your most recent spats. I know this time of year makes even the best go bonks! However, I'd had it.  Tomorrow night,  you get the boot! I'll be shiny and dolled up with the #MidnightSociety and you better believe we are bringing 2012 in with style, grace and then some! 

So as El Rey George Strait said it in Easy Come, Easy Go..."Goodbye, farewell, vaya con Dios, Good luck..." 

Something big is on the way and I don't mean Big Freedia, Big Bertha, or Big Booty Judy. 

xoxo

A Charlie Gal

Second City once more.

Well folks, two down one to go. We conquered Thanksgiving and so I gathered my good tidings and hit the airways. Chicago was calling.

I was fortunate to spend the last few days (Christmas, duh) with my beautiful sister and her sweet little family. And in case you're wondering, yes I cried my eyes out on the way to the airport.....and at the airport.....and some during security check....and then finally during take-off. Yes, I'm that gal. Y que? This is nothing new. But I felt a different kind of sadness when I left this time. As we drove to the airport I stared at my new nephew and remembered how small he was when I last saw him. He's probably tripled in size since then. I imagined how he would look the next time I got to see him, then I realized that I don't even know when the next time I'm going to see him is. How big will he be next time? Will he even know who I am?  Then I thought of my sister and how much our lives have changed since she first moved to Chicago. 

My first trip to Chicago was for Christmas when I was 19 years old. It was the first time I was flying by myself and I was on a mission: to be with my sister on her first Christmas away from home and make her smile after a scumbag made her cry. I don't even know how I paid for my tickets to get there. We ate, drank, shopped, ran around the city and did Christmas the way two single sisters do - dinner in Chinatown and a movie. Fancy. We cried when we parted and  few weeks later she met my brother-in-law.

Needless to say this trip was completely different. Instead of shopping for the cutest tops for a night out, we shopped for the cutest toys for my nephew's first Christmas. Instead of cocktails and tapas, we had Emergen-C and leftovers. We stayed up late, 12:30 am, and lounged for longer than we should have. We did nothing. It was awwwwesome.  It wasn't the trip we used to have, but then again we aren't the people we used to be either. We are grown-ups now. When did that even happen? How did we go from little girls racing down stairs for dinner to the ones actually preparing dinner? Unsolved mystery. However it happened, it happened and even though life has taken us to different places in the country, we are still in the exact same place with each other. She's still the one I run to when I'm scared or upset, and I'm still the one who makes her cry when I write about how my big sister is everything I want to become. She still makes me watch weird TV shows and I still make her do my eyebrows.  She still threatens me with her fist, and I still kick her and run - we just do that a lot more quietly. 

So yes, I cried again when I had to tell her, her family, and her city goodbye. I'm pretty sure I'll cry the next time, and probably the time after that too. Maybe one day she'll come visit me in some city unknown. We'll play and sing like we always do, and guess what will happen? We'll cry when we part. That's just what we do. Or maybe we'll be neighbors one day and never cry again....who knows? It could happen. 

I arrived back in "The Texas" later than I expected last night and did something I hadn't done in quite some time. I spent the night at my dad's house. Since my old bedroom has a new occupant I stayed in my sister's old bedroom. Even though the walls have been repainted and there were hardly any signs of my sister there it took me back to the nights I would stand at her door until she gave me the "ok" to crawl into bed with her. I kept waiting to hear her yell at me for being in her room without her permission. It didn't happen, and we didn't sleep "big spoon to little spoon" either. 

I've had some great Christmas', but none like this one... and none better than this one either. Perfect ending to my turbulent 2011. Now let's start the countdown to THE COUNTDOWN. (#2012midnightsociety)

Until next time, 

A Charlie Gal

For Mia, my pretty little girl.

I found this poem a few weeks ago and think of it every time I see pictures of my niece and I. I hope she knows how much I love her.

"B" by Sarah Kay

Instead of mom, she’s going to call me “point b”

Because that way she knows that no matter what happens, 

At least she can always find her way to me.

& i’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands

so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say

“oh, i know that like the back of my hand.”

she’s going to learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face,

wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach,

but getting the wind knocked out of you is

the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

there is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry,

so the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn’t coming,

i’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself.

because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers

your hands will always be to small to catch all the pain you want to heal,

believe me, i’ve tried.

& “baby,” i’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, i know that trick,

you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back

to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire

to see if you can save him or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place

to see if you can change him.”

but i know that she will anyway

so instead i’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate & rain boats nearby

because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.

okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix

but that’s what the rain boots are for

because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

i want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat,

to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind.

because that’s how my mom taught me,

that they’ll be days like this,

“they’ll be day’s like this my momma said.”

when you open your hands to catch

& end up with only blisters & bruises,

when you step out of the phone booth & try to fly

& the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape,

when your boots will fill with rain & you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment

& those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,”

because there is nothing more beautiful than the way

the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline

no matter how many times it’s sent away.

you will put the “wind” in win some lose some,

you will put the “star” in starting over & over.

no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute

be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

& yes, on a scale of one to over-trusting  

i am pretty fucking naive but i want her to know

that this world is made out of sugar.

it can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out & taste it.

“baby,” i’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier

but your papa is a warrior & you are the girl with small hands

& big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

remember that good things come in threes

& so do bad things & always apologize when you’ve done something wrong

but don’t ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing

& when they finally hand you heartbreak,

slip hatred & war under your doorstep

& hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism & defeat,

you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother. (Or Auntie Mandy) 

Sarah wrote this in case she ever has a daughter. I don't know if I'll have a daughter, but I know I have a niece...and I know I could not have said this better myself. You can see Sarah Kay perform this poem here. 

You know the rest. 

I don't know much....

".....But I know I love you...." Thank you Aaron Neville. Not just for that song, but for coming to my city and doing a holiday show for me and my friends. 


But really....I don't know much, but for now (as in this second) it's all good. This time next week I'll be with my kiddos in San Antonio, and then hours later I'll be with my Sissy, Lil Baby, and my summer-boo (Chicago, duh) and I'm sooooo ready! 


Jeez, this whole "Most wonderful time of the year" thing is really putting a pounding on me. What gives?

~ A Charlie Gal

Hmmm

This is completely random and specifically for all your twitter folk...


I've been noticing that A LOT of guys follow @thenoteboook (The Notebook of Love). How do I know this? No, I'm not skimming through peoples "following" list. I know this because they retweet them!  I mean to each his own. That's fine, do what you do. All I'm saying is that this is PROOF! (See "Scapegoat") Proof to what? Guys being simpy sensitives these days. Thank you Drake. Thank you myspace. Thank you facebook. AND THANK YOU @thenoteboook - no really why 3 O's? 


Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it was the feminist movement. Maybe it's all in my head. (even though I can name 3 other gals that have already agreed with me on this). I don't even know. What I do know is that I'm going to stop right now. I've seen enough emotional tweets for today. (And yes some of them did not come from Y chromosomes...) 


There's no crying in social media!!!!!! Get it together and go skin a deer... or whatever it is Y chromosomes used to do around this time of year. And while you're at it, judge me by who I follow. #Aintnoshameinmygame 


I'm sorry if I offended any of you tough guys, especially if you're one of the ones who waited in line for the new Call of Duty game. I realize that means you have a false understanding of real weapons, but still, no need to get all killer from Billy Madison on me. I'm just observing my interweb surroundings and commenting on what I've seen. No need to cry, subtweet, or make a "people to kill" list. (red lipstick owwwww) 


I'd also like to take a moment to apologize for my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad posts lately. It's rough out here. 

~ A Charlie Gal

hast

In case you were wondering...

I'm not actually evil.

Moments after my previous post hit the interwebs I read some of the saddest lines that ever made it to print...especially after all the fairy tale bits in the chapter before. No really, I even cried a little.

I haven't really been able to pick up the book since....

We'll see how tonight goes.

~ A Charlie Gal

Officially Evil.

A couple months ago my sweet sister and brother-in-law gave me a book written by one of their friends. I remember my sister telling me a few weeks before, "we have a surprise for you!" and wondering what it could be. When we were finally in the same city they handed it to me and I knew why my sister was so excited. It was like she was telling me, "See you can do it too" without saying those words at all. It meant a lot. Thanks Jecca.

Since, I'm a loyal cancerian nerd I tend to have trouble starting a new book without finishing the current one first. It feels like I'm cheating. However, since I'm also an ADHD rule bender, after a few months of inner battle and impatience I usually get over the "inanimate object loyalty" thing. I finally started reading "S.M.I.L.E" and immediately took a liking to everything about it. I'm not quite finished yet so I'm not going to turn this into a review (plus that's not my style anyway), but I will say that one of the things I love most about it is the tone and how conversational the book is. Mix that with a love story and a Chicago setting, and that's it - I'm putty. 


I've had my nose in this book for a few days and then yesterday something happened. There I was following the main characters romance - their beginning, their first "love" encounter, the romantic proposal on their new yacht, their nontraditional wedding and then I put the book down. I took a look at the cover, wondered about the author and how it was a guy who wrote all this, reread the comments and brief synopsis, and then released a huge sigh of relief when I read "They seem to be set for a lifetime of happiness and prosperity until, suddenly, it all changes." 


Ummm, what's wrong with this picture? I'm officially evil. Who doesn't want to read a "happily ever after? Apparently me. Jeez, might as well call me Madusa. So there. Maybe it's the "interesting time of year" I referenced in the last post. I mean, who doesn't think those diamond commercials are annoying? ("every kiss begins with kay" stopped being clever about 2 years ago. #justsaying) 


Anywho, let me get back to this novel. I have a feeling I'm about to get to the part where things fall apart. If it makes me cry there might still be hope! 


In the meantime, check it out for yaself at www.thesmilestory.com . Did I mention homeboy is friends with the Big O? Yeah, I mean Oprah. I use "friend" loosely incase you hadn't noticed. 


I'm out. 

~A Charlie Gal

Warning: This is kind of "Dear Diary"-eee...

Consider yourself warned - proceed with caution. As mentioned in the title, this post has great potential to get all "dear diary"-eee and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. They're necessary sometimes I suppose. Oh and I guess I should say that by "dear diary" I mean completely discombobulated, nonsensical, and incredibly ADHD............ SQUIRREL!!! (hehe) Here goes nothin': 


Dear Diary, (might as well commit right?)


Scratch that. Let's try again.


It's an interesting time of year. Holiday season and such. I went to the land of perpetual highlights, Coach bags, and James Avery jewelry (San Antonio, duh) and had quite a nice time. Yes, I just said that. I spent some QT with the original AG, and yep - I still think he hung the moon. Spent lots of QT with my pretty little niece and space-cadet nephew, and really really enjoyed hanging out with Hey Mama - the Jo. I don't mean to discount the time I spent with the rest of mi familia so don't get all offended, okeh?! (Sorry the SA was coming out for a second.)


Before I close out on the Thanksgiving tales, I must make mention of the "curse of Maclovio" - get ready, this is good. Long story short, according to one of the crazies and one of the elders of my fam, all the women in my family are cursed and can never be happy all because wayyy down the line someone was being shady. Surprise surprise. Apparently, my great great great great great (give or take a few greats) hooked up with her brother-in-law, got busted, and had to live out the rest of her days in an underground room beneath the family cornfield! Ok fine, the last part isn't true - but she did get busted and then had the heart of a scorned woman all the days of her life. Which was inevitably/supposedly passed down to my great great great, then my great great, then my great, then my grand, then my mom and aunts, and now is shining down on my sisters and I. Ummm, ok. The curse has to do with the women in our family never being happy in love, life, or just about anything. Riiiiiiiiight. 


I'm not getting jiggy to that. Could be that I just have more of my dad's side of the family running through my veins. Not sure, but it did make for funny dessert chatter and DEFINITELY "How was your holiday?" talk when I got back to work after the long weekend. Oh and in case you are wondering, Maclovio was the dude. It's too bad he wasn't named Jose or Juan, really. I like the name Maclovio - I even thought of naming my future dog that just so I could call him "Mac". There goes that idea. Ugh hoes. Ugh manerve. 


Next on the semi-dear-diary-eee agenda...
This is also an interesting time of year because of the boo-factor. Ladies and gents, I hate to break it to you, but you officially missed your break-up window. Now you're stuck with your boo (or booooooo) until at least February 21st. Yep, one week after Valentine's Day. Unless you're evil - in that case get your mind right! Karma will get you, just ask little ol' high school sophomore Mandy. lol I still feel 1/2 way bad about that. (just being honest)


But yeah, back to why this is interesting or in some cases awkward.  If you are single, then you get to go to your work party alone or you become the rent-a-date for a friend - which I'm totally cool with btw. Then you have those "dah, I'm single during the holidays" moments. Lamesauce I know, but they happen - don't lie to yourself. Or if you do start to see sparks with someone around this time of year there is the whole Christmas gift - how much is too much - thing. Do you exchange gifts or not? Do you go with the "nice and thoughtful" gift or the "cute and thoughtful" gift. Yes, there is a difference, and it is usually most apparent on your bank statement. Or you can just avoid the situation entirely and hold off until NYE. The night I wait for every year! This is my absolute-can't-tell-me-nuthin-favorite day and holiday of the entire year. I've had some amazing Decemeber 31st's in my short little life.....I've also had some not so amazing ones. (Note to self: try not to get too carried away with the details like you did last year.) More on that and NYE in general later. 


Back to the awks - if you hold off until NYE then you run the risk of having or not having that magic moment at midnight.....if you're into that kind of thing. I totally am, however I do realize that that solid minute and a half are often like the firecrackers you buy on the side of the highway - DUDS. (Sure, I'll include that story in the NYE post to come as well.)


Well I guess that's the gist of my "interesting time of year" schpeel - I mean I could go on and bring out more juice, but why? It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? RIGHT! 


I have more "dear diary" dirt for ya, but honestly I'd rather go spend some time with my Black Friday purchases, yes my brain is mush right now. Again, just being honest. Judge me.


Well my dear diary-eee, 'tis all I got for now. Run along, sing loud, dance dirty, and go offend someone, will ya? HA! Totally kidding.....well kinda. Judge me again. Dah. 

~A Charlie Gal

Wakey, wakey...

And then I saw this....

Thank you Universe, for sending me a wake up call.

Not only do I have roof over my oversized head, complete with running water and a stove below it,  I have money in the bank, I have a jar with pennies on top of my fridge that has food in it, I have a healthy body and medication or means to get medication if I needed it, but I also have great friends, have had amazing opportunities, and at least two people who know me better than I know myself.  Sometimes you(I) need a little ass-kicking - this image did it.

Daily gratitude: Today I am grateful being able to realize when I'm being a jackass, I'm grateful for everything I've listed above, and I'm thankful to have mirrors like Angela - the ones you can't hide a anything from.

~ A Charlie Gal

Daytrippin'. A rock and a hard place.

Every now and then something comes over me, and I have to get away.  Most of the time I don't have the means to get to where I want to go, but the other day something hit me - I can go somewhere that isn't thaaat far away and still have get the itch scratched. You may or may not know that since about mid-August I've had a serious romance with the idea of going to a southwestern, desert city (originally focused on NM and then later AZ.) Yes, I realize I'm from Texas....maybe the major drought finally got in my brain. (There may have also been a few other factors, but we'll put this all on the drought.) Either way, I've been dancing with the idea of hot days, chilly nights, multi-colored sunsets, and sand-dusted boots. Well this weekend I got all that, minus the chilly night depending on where your from.

Now, the majority of my besties don't live in Austin, however good ol' Al does. I have to say, he gets the "Ride or Die" award of 2011. So this weekend was no different. Sometime during last week I said to myself, "Self, quit thinking of doing stuff and DO STUFF." Then came that get-t-f-o-here thought again. Somehow, my mind landed on Enchanted Rock. I planted the idea in Al's head and next thing you know it was an unplanned plan. We grabbed a map (notice the word map - NO GPS), grabbed a Texas breakfast (tacos and coffee, duh) and hit the highway.

This doesn't really show how giant Enchanted Rock really is. It was not intended to be a crouch shot either. dah.

From the bottom

Up she goes. 

At the top...looking like a beast. 

My new favorite app....iBeast.

Cave crawling with a Shiner. shhhhut it. 

Who is this guy?

Squeeze. 

Hence the title of this post. 

 If you would have asked me two weeks ago whether or not I'd willingly enter a cave (big or small) I would have said absolutely not! But ehhh, what's the worst that can happen right? All in all, I say Freds., you are a charming little town; Enchanted Rock, you are lovely; and Al, enough with the Christmas carols! I kid, I kid. Hands down, one of the best Saturday's in a while.  Take that southwestern, desert city! And you know why?....

Because at the end of the day, I love Texas. 

~ A Charlie Gal

 p.s.

Al loves Texas too! 

Scapegoat

I blame social media.....and Drake. 

More on that later. 

~ A Charlie Gal

Stew on this.

I know what you're thinking, but sorry to disappoint you. This post is NOT about a guy. In case you don't know why please refer to "You Are What You Tweet." (Yes, I translate social media posts to my *gulp*..... blog....*cringe*) Even though it may seem like I'm a "Dear Diary" writer sometimes, let me make this clear...I'M NOT (at least not online).

The reason of this post is simply to remind myself (and you my dear 2 readers) exactly what the picture above says - no matter the circumstance. I often catch myself reminiscing on parts of my past and missing them. Not just missing them - really, really missing them and even thinking of how awesome it would be to go back for just a few hours. But I can't. And it's true, how can anyone focus on their future if they are too busy focusing on the past? And why should we focus on the past? Did you ever think about that?

Timing is everything, and when the universe put this image in front of my eyes, I definitely needed to see it. I love how that just happens sometimes. Sometimes its huge or as in this case it's pretty small, but it stuck. I'm not genius, but I do know that when something sticks you better stew on it. 

Has this ever happened to you? What was it? 

~ A Charlie Gal

p.s. And if you are still thinking I'm referring to a guy in my past get over it. Those ship sailed, sunk, and stayed at the bottom of the sea. 

Good morning

Today something strange happened. I woke up before my alarm and had a rush of energy. So much so that I hurried and got dressed, cooked breakfast, and then decided I'd ride the bicicleta to work instead of drive. It was the perfect day for that too. Nice and chilly, but not unbearable. Hopefully this will be the first of many productive mornings. 


Daily gratitude: Today I am thankful for being able to make my own decisions - even if they are as simple as deciding to ride instead of drive. G'Day! 

~A Charlie Gal

p.s.
In case you are still looking for you energy this morning here is a little top 40 bubble gum to get your blood pumping. Don't act like it doesn't make want to dance like a 12-year-old girl! (Twist, that's mostly for you!)

"G, do more"

I am a dreamer. Shocker, right?

I'd like to think that my ambitions are only a few steps away from where I am currently, however I'm also a 1/2 realist....hmmm maybe a little more than 1/2. Either way, I've recently been making a list of "stuff" I plan on doing at some point in my life - and by "life" I mean in the next 5 to 10. Some silly, some big time, but all are honest ambitions. No, I will not share.  

I'm lucky. I've never had a person in my life who told me I couldn't do something. If I ever heard that from anyone it was my own pessimistic inner voice who was quickly slapped by my optimistic inner voice. (No I'm not a schitzo or a Gemini.) I'm also lucky because for as long as I can remember I've been surrounded by people who made me want to do better. It started with my sister, then my best friend who we shall call LettuceHead (long story), then shifted to my dear college friends, mentors, and so many more. I've found that it is so important to have people in my life who keep me standing on tiptoes reaching for the cookie jar on the top shelf.  Needless to say, I'm surrounded by people with day-jobs and jam-jobs and every day I whisper to myself, "G, do more." (Yes, I refer to myself as G sometimes....initials gosh!)

I was trolling the interwebs trying to figure out how I could "do more" while remaining sane, and came across this thing called "The Happiness Project." Not long after, I found a list called "Secrets of Adulthood" I admit, it sounds cheesy, but this 20-something searching for something wasn't going to pass it up...just in case, you know. No, this post didn't open up the sky and leave me questionless, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't resonate with me. It makes me smile to know that some of what was listed I realized on my own. (Maybe I'm more of an adult than I realized.) I recommend reading the article, but I realize time is of the essence and I'm pushing your attention span with this one. Here are a few of the ones that got me...or made me smile. 

- "The days are long, but the years are short"

- "It's okay to ask for help"

- "What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while"

- "If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough"


Here are a few of my own:
- Bad things happen sometimes and they're usually extremely inconvenient.
- When someone says they need to have a "talk" with you, it's usually not something you want to hear....but sometimes it is, so don't jump the gun. 
- Just because someone doesn't call often doesn't mean they don't think of you often.

So how can I do more? How can I join the ranks of 20-something Austinites (and elsewhere) doing so much? Guess we'll just have to wait and see, huh? It gives me comfort to know at least two people will read whatever I give the world. 

~ A Charlie Gal

Alters and Alterations

Alters.

I was born and raised in San Antonio, TX and oddly enough it wasn't until after leaving home did I begin to celebrate Dia De Los Muertos. Why? I'm not quite sure, although I bet it has something to do with the fact that I'm extremely stubborn and don't like being told what to do. ("Mandy embrace your culture!" 15-year-old Mandy responds, "LEAVE ME ALONE, I DO WHAT I WANT!")


Anywho, yesterday (11/2/11) was Dia De Los Muertos and although I celebrated this holiday over the weekend with some special friends,  yesterday I took several moments throughout the day to remember those I've loved and also lost...

Our alter from Sunday night's Dia De Los Muertos Dinner.

 My grandfathers, both of which I barely knew. One was a fire fighter and the other had the most awesome hat collection you will ever find....he also smuggled moonshine back in the day. (Rumor has it for Bonnie and Clyde.) 


 My Aunt Dee - she made me lay in the middle of the street with her in Las Vegas and told me when I was 15 that she didn't know what I was going to be,  but she knew I was going to be "somebody". I still don't know exactly what she meant, but I hope she's happy with this "somebody"....... and the "somebody" who has salsa stains and bad manners at all the wrong times. 


My sweet cousin Noxah. He lived across the country and worlds apart from me. I can only hope to be as brave as him one day. He was a warrior in every sense of the word and had the most beautiful smile in the world.  So much of what I do is for you, Noxah. 

The person I thought of most was my Grandma Dorothy, my Grand. 

I used to think that I was the only person who knew how special she was, that we had a special connection or a secret that no one else knew - but everyone who knew her felt the exact same way as me. I spent summers in her garden making mud pies and looked forward to spending the night at her house more than I did my friends. We told each other secrets, danced in her kitchen like no one was watching, and sang as loud as we could together. And then, after all that, we'd recite the rosary with the TV and watch her "stories". It was impossible not to feel her love, and when I say feel I mean you fellllt it. I can go on and on about how she lifted my spirits or how she sang to me through heartbreaks no one else knew about. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, hear her voice, and wish I could just smile at her from across the room and convince her to have a tea party with me. "Pal,  let's have a chat."

"Together again" ;-)

Alterations. 

I've said this before and I'll say it a million times again I'm sure - this year something in me changed. Today someone told me "With change come opportunity, embrace it." I agree 100%. I'd also like to add  that changing does not mean forgetting. People change, relationships change, but this isn't something to fear. You don't have to create an alter to remember people from your past, and just because you may not be making new memories with someone does not mean the old ones fade. Bring flowers when everyone can still smell them. Honor your alters and embrace your alterations.

~ A Charlie Gal

Sex and the Pity

Hi there! Remember me? I'm the gal who started writing this little ol' thang and then abandoned it once things got busy. What can I say? I'm trying.....Ok not really, but I'll try harder. No really, this is something I want to do. It's important to me. I'll really try harder.  OK guilt trip over. Now that I've got that out of the way it's time to get back to the business. 

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Recently one of my closest friends and I had an opportunity to see what it would have been like to be roommates in college. Long story short it was everything we expected it to be: fun, easy, and full of home-cooked meals, libations, laughs, cries....and oh yeah mischief.  A reasonable person would say that one weekend is enough to get the point across, but not us. Being the spoiled gals that we are, we went back for seconds and had not one super crazy fun weekend but two. It was awesome.

Ultimately, we decided that it was probably in our best interest that we weren't roommates in college because who knows the situations we would have gotten ourselves into. Among other things, we also determined that it was a good thing we both were in "serious" relationships back in those days. (Even though the only thing serious about them was how seriously doomed they were.) As a result of this conversation (and many others) came a lovely entry to the blogosphere: "A Letter to My 18-Year-Old Self" Read it. Love it. Follow it. Way to go Fitty, you nailed this one. 

Naturally, this got me thinking about myself...more specificially my 18-23 year-old selves. (selves?? hmm you know what I mean.) I thought of who I was, where I wanted to go, the things that made me happy on sad days and the things that inspired me. Then I put those things next to my present day self. Who I am. Where I've been and where I want to go. The things that make me happy on sad days. The things that inspire me. Surprise surprise, a few things have changed. 

Two things that hadn't changed were the "things that make me happy on sad days"....or so I thought. For as long as I could remember two things had always uplifted my spirits. 1. Music, a perfect lyric can go a long way, and 2. "Sex and the City." Yup, one of those I am...or shall I say was. Life gave me a situation, and I gave life a song or a Sex and the City episode that explained it all....until now that is. Why the change of heart? Hmmm. Let's just say that one day the skies turned gray and life happened. There. Simmer on that and make up your own story. Go ahead fill in the blanks. 

Ok fine. I sat at home feeling down in the dumps because of some nonsense and instead of turning on the tunes I looked towards Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbs, and of course, Carrie Bradshaw. These were my gals. My best friends. My life and love problem-solvers. They were lot of what I wanted to be and so much more. Beautiful, smart, creative, sexy, independent, sophisticated, stylish - I can go on forever.  Yes, they are all of those things still but it wasn't until my present day 26-year-old self sat and watched these ladies again did I realize a few other things they were. Samantha Jones - the PR queen and emotionless SLORE. Yep, she's a slore. Think about it. Miranda Hobbs - a workaholic with some serious issues accepting the fact that she is an emotional woman. Charlotte York - an uptight over-emotional dope living in lalaland given to her by her ex. And Carrie Bradshaw. The one that really hurts me to admit. Carrie, the one who has it all and yet has nothing at all. 

Wtf, right Carrie? 

Talk about a wake up call. Suddenly my eyes were opened in a way they had never been before. I felt as though my heroines has lost their super powers. Lackluster. Phony. Not so unattainable. Pretty much ordinary. Simps in the City... I was robbed. 

Now if you know me (which all 5 of you do!) then you probably realize that I can't just let something pass through my mind without dissecting it. Even on my roughest day I have to figure out a way to  make a negative into a positive. With that said, here is what I determined about Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and my dear, dear Carrie: they are just ordinary women. The good, the bad, the ugly, the bold, the beautiful, the young and the restless. (Yes, I took it there. I had too, it was too easy.) They aren't super heroes, they aren't problem-solvers to the great unknown, they are just gals with a team of people to keep their eyeliner from smearing and their Jimmy Choo's unscuffed. Imagine how fabulous you'd think I was if I had all that. I mean really, think about it. 

So thank you you world for opening my eyes to this truth. Even though I hated what I was seeing for a bit, it needed to be seen. And although this realization immediately took away the butterflies of inspiration I once felt just from hearing the opening score don't fret, they've fluttered back. Now I watch the show not only seeing what I want to become, but also seeing what I don't want to become.... and I realize something I knew all along but never accepted - that Sex and the City can be Sex and the Pity, but either way it's fiction....and fabulous.

Gracias bonitas.

~ A Charlie Gal

Zha Zha Zu to Zha Zha boooooooo

Yeah, pretty much. 


Yes, I know I've been slacking - I believe we established my slacker tendencies at the beginning of the summer. I will say that it has been quite an eventful month since my last post and if you can't guess what that was all about by the title, then allow me to fill you in....offline of course. This isn't blast.com and it sure as hell isn't AGblast.com 


On another note, www.20Qatx.com is alive and well - go check that out. 
On another note, ACL was a blast.
On another note, True Blood is over and I have a quazi-slacker-obsession with Mad Men (Season 1). Why Season 1? Because that's the only one on Netflix - s/o to Big Al. 


Ok fine, no more notes. I'm just gonna say I have a plethora to say and I'll get there soon, but it's all about timing. TIMING IS CRUCIAL - and I'm on a path to patience.

~ A Charlie Gal

Where do I even begin?! 

The past couple of weeks have been nothing less than a crazy whirl wind - like the kind Dorothy had. I keep waiting to wake up in my bed with some friends around me and say, "Wait you were there too! You were on stage with me at Lolla! You were in a pool! You sat next to me on a plane and made me an awesome playlist on my iPhone!" ....or something like that. The only difference is this - I know that the past few weeks have been awesome, stressful, nonstop and I won't be waking up telling tales of scarecrows, lions, and men made of tin. (maybe a few witches but hey...)

Sadly, I took my last trip of the summer to Chicago and finally got to meet Lil' Baby. He's precious, perfect, and it kills me that I can't squeeze his little toes everyday. Thank God for my darling sister and her iPhone. I'm no techy, but since July 23rd my appreciation for technology has grown leaps and bounds. 

I also attended Lollapalooza. There really aren't even enough words to describe that whole adventure. I made some new friends and am really looking forward to what the future has in store. As if I needed more reasons to love Chicago, my second love, my second city.

This trip really got some wheels turning in my head, and one thought that just won't go away is -WTF?! How the hell are some people able to cheat on their significant other?! I mean, the only relationship I've been in for a while is with the city I love so much and all this talk about Chicago and leaving my heart there has made me feel sooooooo horribly guilty. AND it's a city. A CITY! 

This city has never wronged me, never left me feeling alone, and always always encouraged me to strive for more without feeling like I was on the road to no where. AND what do I do? Cry the moment I hear the "ding" on an airplane and even more so when I hear the words that have always been so comforting, "Welcome to Austin, TX."

Maybe it's the heat Texas is trying to kill me with. Maybe it's Lil Baby. Maybe it was all the music and zha-zha-zhu in Grant Park during Lollapalooza (and after)....I'm not sure what it is, but it's something. And that something is haunting. Maybe it will fade with summer the way so many romances do. If that's the case it may be a while. Either way, I love you Austin, but something else fits too...maybe...we'll see. 

~ A Charlie Gal