The Great Abyss

I planned to write a whole survival guide on what to do and not to do during SXSW, however seeing as I'm incredibly exhausted and now cross-eyed this as good as it's gonna get. Oh and did I mention that I just told one of my favorite people I was going to "KICK HIS ASS!" Soooo yeah.....here you go. (I dare you to point out my grammatical errors. Double dog.)

1. Remember, it's a marathon not a sprint. People will practically be paying you to drink so chill out. Take the slow and steady route, not the sitting on 6th crying with a pizza route. 

2. Control yourself and your bladder. I mean it. 

3. Wear appropriate shoes. You will be judged and laughed at for trying to look cute in your stilettos. Don't be stupid. Trust me on this one! You deserve to have blisters and toe nails falling off if you don't. I have no sympathy. People will wear crazy things. Shocker. Isn't that why you came to Austin? (20 bucks says they'll be in comfortable shoes)

4. Carry hand sanitizer and TP. You'll thank me after your first bathroom experience. 

5. Eat. 

6. Drink water. Lots of it. 

7. Don't be greedy. You know you're not really ever going to wear that free t-shirt. Go for the functional swag....and I don't mean another koozy.

8. You know that little schedule you've been trying to color coordinate? Throw it away. Now. 

9. Stressed out about said schedule and overwhelming amount of RSVPs you haven't done? Kindly STFU.

10. NO does not mean GO. As in, "NO, YOU CANNOT COME IN" "NO, WE ARE AT CAPACITY" "NO, YOU CANNOT USE OUR RESTROOM" This is a good way to get security called on your belligerent ass, and then you'll get thrown in the drunk tank or the chokey. Not a good look. Ever heard of www.bustedinATX.com?

11. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. DON'T DO IT DURING SXSW, DON'T DO IT EVER. It's not worth it. $20 cab ride or $20,000 in legal fees.

12. Get out of downtown and away from SXSW stuff for a little while each day....not just when you go to bed. Believe me, the retreat is necessary. 

13. Say thank you and mean it. A lot of people work really hard for you to have the best time of your life. 

14.  Forgive your friends when they become overwhelmed and give you crazy looks or threaten to kick your ass. It's the most wonderful time of the year. 

AND ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE...

15. RESPECT THE ART!!!! The music, the film, the style, the energy, the magic you'll feel when you drive into town and the sadness you'll feel when it's all over. Practice live music etiquette and don't throw your trash in the street. 

Ok, there, have fun. A wise man once said, "Don't start nothing, it won't be nothing." 

clank clank.